Thoughts on “Love Won Out”
April 13, 2008 by Matthew Andrews
As I previously mentioned, yesterday was the Love Won Out conference in San Jose. I had some reservations that, since it was going to be a Focus on the Family event is was going to be very anti-gay and unproductive. As it turns out, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I actually loved the conference to the point where I would say that anyone who has questions about the relationship between the Church and homosexuality should attend.
The conference was aided by a large presence from Exodus International, an organization that ministers to gays and ex-gays, and so many of the speakers where themselves former homosexuals. Here are some highlights from the conference:
1. They talked about what makes a person gay
The speakers explored common myths about gays and lesbians and looked at numerous studies that focused on the origin of homosexual tendencies. While many Christians wrongly assume that it is a simple choice, the speakers painted homosexuality as a combination of many factors, including possible genetic factors and developmental influences that cause someone to have unwanted sexual desires. Studies and surveys showed an overwhelming correlation between homosexuality and sexual/physical abuse, along with unmet or disturbed bonding with same-sex parents and/or peers.
Basically, this means under certain family circumstances, a male child who fails to connect with his father or another male (father is emotionally distant or physically absent, or child is molested by an older male figure) and he develops overly attached or dependent relationships with female figures, it could cause the child to have unmet same-sex bonding that is necessary for normal development. That being said, as the child longs to have that need fulfilled, he may eventually reach puberty and find out that those emotional needs correlate with his sexual awakening, creating unwanted homosexual desires. This creates a “third sex” mentality (where the child cannot properly identify with either gender), which leads to feelings of isolation and confusion, and eventually, acceptance within a “safe” gay community. The same can also be said for a female child and lesbianism. This isn’t always the case, but there is an incredibly strong correlation between these types of childhood circumstances and the likelihood of the child becoming gay.
This was interesting to me because most Christians tend to dismiss ideas that people are “born gay,” or that a child’s upbringing has anything to do with it. Often times, we feel more comfortable blaming it on a demonic possession instead of treating it like a complex condition. The speakers related it to many other complex conditions, such as alcoholism and violence, that come about as a result of inborn susceptibility, upbringing, and personal choices.
The speakers were also careful to point out that while no gay man or women choose their feelings, they do choose their actions, meaning that it is possible to have homosexual desires and temptations without sinning and giving in to them.
2. The way the Church deals with the homosexual community needs to change.
This was an awesome point, because many of the speakers were themselves rejected by the Church when they were practicing homosexuals. The main flaw, the speakers noted, was that Christians treated homosexuality worse than other sins. “The ground is level at the foot of the cross,” one speaker said, going on to elaborate that the self-righteousness of the anti-gay protester is just as wicked in God’s eyes as the acts committed by the gay man.
But they took this beyond the religious and into the psychological. As I mentioned earlier, teenagers struggling with homosexual thoughts and temptations feel like a third sex that doesn’t fit in with either gender. That kid will look for a safe place where he can talk about his feelings and desires and be accepted. Often times this is what leads someone to embrace the gay community - they’ve found a safe place to be themselves. By reacting angrily and judgmentally to the rise in open homosexuality in hopes of bringing people to Jesus, we actually do the opposite - we reinforce the perception that they don’t fit in and it drives them further into the place where they find comfort, the gay community. It’s like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it. Furthermore, if a young person grows up in church and then begins to have homosexual temptations, he will see how the church acts and realize that he doesn’t have a safe place to talk about his problems. So we’re not only preventing converts, but we’re causing people who struggle with homosexuality to leave the church.
Outreach to the gay community needs to be characterized by compassion, not hatred. The gay person needs to be treated just like any other sinner. One speaker even said that we may not even need to bring up the issue at all. Just tell them about Jesus, and if they give their life to Him, let the Holy Spirit deal with his sin.
3. I learned a bit about countering pro-gay theology.
Pro-gay theology is basically a way of interpreting Scripture that reads all of the condemnations of homosexuality as being misinterpreted or mistranslated. For example, pro-gay theologians claim that the Hebrew word in the laws of Leviticus 18 are mistranslated, meaning “ceremonial male prostitute” instead of homosexual. Biblical scholar Joe Dallas went through all of the passages of the Bible that mention homosexuality, broke down the Greek or Hebrew words, and cross-referenced them with other passages in Scripture to establish continuity in meaning. Furthermore, he examines some of the logic of pro-gay arguments and points out several fallacies, namely that they search for exceptions in the commandments without distributing them to the whole commandments.
I plan on buying one of his books and reading further. Though he breezed through his arguments fairly quickly, I felt that my questions about pro-gay theology were answered.
Overall, it was a great day. I learned a lot about homosexuality, and also a little something about judging a book by its cover.
Matthew,
A friend sent a link to your site to me this morning. Thanks for your honest thoughts and encouragement. I am a speaker at LWO and always appreciate hearing from those who might come from alternative perspectives. Your analysis and comments are very much appreciated.
Best,
Alan Chambers
President, Exodus International
Feelings of unwanted sexual desires has a direct correlation to social culture not innateness. Next time you quote studies and surveys, kindly print who conducted them. The answer to the results will most probably reside there. This is so difficult to continue reading because it is such horseshit. I alway say to replacet the word gay with straight and homosexual with heterosexual and it will read like the glaringly oppressive storyline it is meant to be. Regurgitating it over and over is a disservice to you and other gay people not yet able to accept and celebrate themselves for exatly who they are. I resent you for that and would spit right in your face to shut you up if ever we met.
2. I am a practicing homosexual and no person, priest or layman is gonna take my belief system or faith away from me. It is impossible because no one has that kind of power over me. People need to be informed that there are those out there who wish to control you. Stop catering to them. It is annoying and you come off very small indeed. Anti gay protesters and the actions of gay people are not related. You are ignorant to even listen to such garbage. Fred Phelps has nothing to do with me other than i prefer him to die just like he would like me to. It is called hate and mine is defense, his is assault. Do not promote the continuation of that by combining the two. It is tired as your predictable rant. It is impossibel for anyone to find comfort in your diatribe much less the corrupt structure that supports such nonsense. When and if i go to a gay community center or neighborhood, i am not igniting my sexual orientation as you pontificate. I am merely socializing. The only ones are those like you thinking that analyzing something to death is somehow helpful because you are too narrow minded to realize that not every gay person is tormented like those in the ex gay ministries. Hence do not go to those ex gay ministries and hang out with people as clinically depressed and disturbed as yourself if you want to move forward and actually deal with your orientation. It is a no brainer. Stop thinking the whole gay scene is club would be a start in that direction. Homosexual temptations is not a problem for everyone ; just for the people who refuse to accept themselves. You do not have the power to cause me to leave my church. Come out of your delusions of grandeur. Gay people need to be treated like straight people. Cut the propaganda with the sinner crap. Tell it to the gullible. You are rediculous in your childish viewpoints posing as wisdom.
3. Listen up cornball. Jesus was a faggot. He had twelve boyfriends and a hoar he did not screw. Get a grip on reality. Your Bible is not even written by his hand. Lastly if you think attending “love won out” teaches about homosexuality, you are so far behind me in love, light and acceptance of people for who they are that i can only say i will indeed say a prayer for you. Your struggle is backward and damaging to anyone with an ounce of self esteem. Go away and stay out of social work. You lack that talent.
so much for truth and opinion you censor queen.
Too often, the subject of homosexuality causes deep misunderstanding and painful rifts. The truth is that change is possible and there have been many studies showing a direct correlation to sociological vs innate causes for homosexuality one recent study was done is Taiwan called -The Lung&Shu Study.Science has not yet discovered any genetically dictated behavior in humans.
So far, genetically dictated behaviors of the “one-gene-one-trait” variety have been found only in very simple organisms.From an understanding of gene structure and function there are no plausible means by which genes could inescapably force SSA or other behaviors on a person.
As far as the cause for same sex attractions there is no one cause. No single genetic, hormonal, social, or environmental factor is predominant.
There are similar themes: childhood gender non-conformity, sexual abuse, peer dynamics, family dynamics, sexual history, but the mix varies with individuals, making the individual’s response to life’s events the single overriding factor. Random reactions of children to their circumstances are important.
But the overriding outcome is often a sense of feeling “different” and withdrawal from gender norms, along with admiration and envy and a need to reconnect that focuses on certain individuals and becomes confused after puberty with genital sex. This sexual response to emotional signals can become a repeating pattern, leading to type-casting (“I am a homosexual”), and can be a recipe for addiction .
http://www.freedomispossible.org/
http://www.mygenes.co.nz/lung&shu.htm
Hi Matthew,
I am sorry that you have only heard one side of the story… and that ewe was so offended by what you heard. I have had enough of the judgmentalism and Biblical literalism that characterizes this debate, and am waiting for LWO and Exodus etc to start living by the Christian values that they profess, values that call for justice and dignity for all of us, straight or gay, rich or poor, black or white, male or female…
For example, I received my Exodus newsletter today and wondered why on earth Exodus cannot support the day of silence. To not paticipate in a cause that is totally relevant to the work of Exodus (the ending of violence against LGBT people) just because gay activists initiated it can only be described as a prideful, arrogant posture that does not befit any Christian organization.
Okay, I’ll stop ranting. The work of Exodus (and of New Directions in Toronto) has been helpful to me in my journey. But afte twenty plus years of fighting, I am now quite content to accept who I am: a gay Christian man in a straight man. I live with integrity in terms of my marital fidelity and of being honest with others.
I wait for the day when the church will forget the arguments and choose to walk beside us as faithful friends on our life journeys. LWO refuses to take this posture. Wendy Gritter tries to, and Alan Chambers (I think) wants to…
God bless you all on your journeys.
This I totally agree with: “For example, I received my Exodus newsletter today and wondered why on earth Exodus cannot support the day of silence. To not paticipate in a cause that is totally relevant to the work of Exodus (the ending of violence against LGBT people) just because gay activists initiated it can only be described as a prideful, arrogant posture that does not befit any Christian organization.”
EXODUS doesn’t do it because they are AFRAID They are afraid that people will mistake their abhorence for anti-gay violence as support for the “homosexual lifestyle” — whatever that is. This is completely cowardly and it needs to change. My friend was murdered 6 years ago (6.6.02) just for being gay — and I was also stabbed and beaten in the attack.
What EXODUS doesn’t realize is that it would greatly HELP their image and reputation if they clearly posted an anti-bullying, anti-violence, anti-hate policy statement CLEARLY and PERMANENTLY on their homepage. Why they won’t, frankly, baffles me. Why Alan Chambers? Please explain why.